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Okay, first off I have to explain about the icon. I found it on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
iconcandy posted by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ic0nwh0re. It just...spoke to me on some level and I couldn't pass it up. It in no way states that I'm thinking about suicide or using a gun or anything. Okay? Okay. Now on to the other stuff. *grins*
If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Home-cooked meals. Things that give me comfort when my mom cooks them. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, Shepard's Pie, chicken pot pie, tuna casserole. That kind of thing.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Books, incense and candles, feel good music and coffee,tea and oven warmed pastries.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Gay romance with a bit of horror/fantasy thrown in. Which is in fact something I'm currently working on. *winks*
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
English. *nods* Writing, reading. Things I loved to learn in school.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Beautiful vocals with indian/arabian music. The kind you just can't help swishing your hips to.
Okay, I just got this amazing, amazing review from Artemis Raine. I'm posting it here, not to toot my own horn, but to toot her's. Cuz that? *points down* Took a lot of time and thought. It's twice as long as the story, for crying out loud! *hugs Artemis* Thanks, honey!
Dear Rai,
Just finished re-reading “Immortal Flight”. This really is an incredible story. Well-written, with the attention to detail that I love. It is also very moving, a piece that really touches on Clark’s emotional pain so well. It makes the reader feel right along side him.
The first thing I noticed was how you wrote in the present tense. Kudos for you! This is harder than most people think. I wrote a story in the present tense once for another fandom, and it was a lot of work (at least for me). I must have re-read that story twenty times to check and recheck my verb tenses.
The second thing I noticed was your attention to detail. It was absolutely fantastic. The scotch on the desk. The framed photos and wedding invitations. The glass desk, and how Lex keeps replacing it with the same model. It was fabulous, and just lovely to see these bits and pieces of CLex surrounding Clark (even if he did destroy it all). You also carried this attention to detail in things like Chloe’s death, the childless union of Pete and Lana, the vision of Cassandra’s explained through LuthorCorp’s project, Lillian’s lead box, Lex’s ashes and Clark rubbing them on himself, the rings around his neck along with the necklace Lex gave him for graduation, the bodyguards when they went ring shopping, the mattress still in orbit, Lex playing with Clark’s hair, etc. All of this added up to a wonderful picture of what their life was like before Lex died.
Speaking of which, I think you captured Clark’s sorrow, grief, guilt, and rage (though it was well-hidden and just below the surface) over Lex’s death just perfectly. It was at times overwhelming and at other times subtle, a wave of grief we felt right alongside Clark. Everything felt completely natural to me, and Clark’s emotions (and subsequent actions) rang true. I ached when Clark destroyed the office and hurt when I found out he destroyed the entire castle, but I understood it. It felt right in the circumstance and mindset that you placed Clark in that he reacted this way. Just like it felt so right when he went to the bridge, and finally went on his “last flight” in a well of grief.
There were a few lines or details that really got me.
1) “I’m a hero. Superman. The savior of millions. And the betrayer of one.” = This was a fantastic opening lines for the story. Right away you set the tone of Clark’s bitterness and self-rage and even self-hatred. I personally heard Clark saying these lines, and I could hear the bitterness and the self-mockery in Clark’s tone. Everyone (on Earth) thinks of Superman in terms of being a hero, but in the end, Clark doesn’t see himself as one. He sees himself as the man who let his husband die. Who CHOOSE to save strangers while he heard Lex dying. I thought the opening lines not only set the tone of the story, but it summed up the entire theme or overall message of the story. Not bad for four short sentences!
2) “And I refuse to live forever in sorrow.” = I loved this sentence, especially as you use it to close the paragraph where Clark acknowledges that he’s immortal and that nothing on earth can kill him. For me, when I read it, I saw it as a dual message. Clark honestly believes that he’s making this choice, that he’ll chose not to live the rest of his life in grief. Yet, I also felt that he was saying one thing but meaning another. That in reality, that he was going to live forever in sorrow. That it was just another commonality of the Clark we saw in Smallville who often lied to himself (like how it wasn’t a big thing that he lied to his friends…I still remember how he tried to justify it to Pete and treated Pete like Pete was in the wrong for being angry), and now Clark’s lying to himself again. It just filled me with so much sadness to read this line, which foreshadows the rest of Clark’s existence. Alone and in sorrow.
3) This isn’t a line, but I LOVED the detail about Clark wearing their wedding rings on the necklace Lex gave him for his high school graduation. Of how the weight of it against his chest was a comfort. Definitely hard hitting, and I could so easily see this in both Lex and Clark.
4) “It was almost poetic. The first words I uttered to him were a lie. As were the last.” = These lines were poetic! Fantastic how Clark recognizes this about himself, and in the end, he feels like he betrayed Lex all over again with his lies, even as he recognizes the reasons why he lied. I don’t blame Clark for trying to comfort Lex with such a lie, but I can see Clark feeling such guilt for Lex using his last moments, not only in life but also with Clark, to try to ease Clark’s pain and guilt. I can see Clark angsting over his last words to Lex being a lie, especially when he’ll forever regret the fact that he choose the lives of strangers over Lex. His one companion in life. His true love. And as Clark recognized in the story, those strangers probably wouldn’t care all that much about the sacrifice he made to save them.
5) “To listen as I raged against the unfairness of human nature, which to this day, still strives to destroy.” = I really like this line because it shows a maturity to Clark that you often don’t see in the Superman world. He isn’t some dumb boyscout in blue saving people blindly. He recognizes that people aren’t nice, and that humanity is violent and destructive. He just chooses to save people anyway, knowing this. It was a great line, and I just liked how it added a layer to his character.
6) “I promised him that I wouldn’t blame myself. I lied. My responsibility should have been to him, not to strangers who would never know the kind of sacrifice I was making for them. Who will probably never care. Lex should have come first, no matter what. I should never have listened to him tell me time and again how my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” = Okay, that was an entire paragraph, but I loved EVERY line of it. I love how Clark simply says, “I lied.” I love how he uses the word “responsibility” in regards to Lex and those strangers on that plane. That it wasn’t just a matter of love or loyalty, but of RESPONSIBILITY. Because in the end, he choose the strangers because of a feeling of responsibility due to his powers, or his name (Superman), or those antiquated ideas from Jonathan about duty coming from his powers. For whatever reason, he chose that feeling of responsibility over love and loyalty, and in the end, feels he betrayed the one he was truly responsible for. To paraphrase the words of Lanning Cook’s “Sacred Trust” story (incredible Highlander slash fic), his first trust was to Lex. It was this trust that he forgot. And in forgetting, he betrayed that trust, and he betrayed Lex as a consequence. As a consequence, Lex died.
Ouch. Like I said, this paragraph really hit me, and it really encapsulated the mire of guilt, anger, and bitterness that Clark has put himself in. It also didn’t hurt that even though I understood his reasons for the choice he made (as I’m sure Lex did), I didn’t agree with it. I would have chosen differently. And that made me wonder if Lex lied, too. That even though he wouldn’t have been angry at Clark, even though he would have understood Clark’s decision, that doesn’t mean that Lex didn’t recognize that he was dying because Clark chose humanity (once again) over himself. That Clark abandoned him one last time to save humanity. I can’t see Lex being angry about that, or even bitter, but I see him hurting. I see him in pain that even in the very end, he was NEVER Clark’s number one priority. He wasn’t the first on the list. And I suspect, Clark was always Lex’s number one priority. I agreed with Clark’s statement that Lex should have come first, no matter what, and I can’t help but think that some of Lex’s last thoughts were about how he never came first to Clark and believing that there was something lacking in him that Clark didn’t love him as much as he loved Clark. *sigh* Sad.
I also LOVED that last sentence. “I should never have listened to him tell me time and again how my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” I didn’t get a sense that Clark blamed Lex in anyway for the decision Clark made, yet I did sense a faint accusatory note that Lex helped to make him believe he had an overlying responsibility to humanity, either through encouraging Clark or supporting Clark so blindly in his need to help people. I don’t think Clark was angry at Lex, that in fact, he was angry at himself for listening. For believing in the words that he most likely wanted or needed to hear in the past from Lex. And if there was any blame or anger, it was directed at himself.
Also, the BEST part of the sentence was in the latter half. “…my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” I read this sentence over at least six times to make sure I got the flavor of it right. I really do love it. It wasn’t that Lex felt Clark had a responsibility to humanity or Earth because of Clark’s abilities. It wasn’t that Lex felt Clark had a responsibility to humanity or Earth because of search for redemption (red K stuff). It wasn’t Lex thinking Clark had this great destiny to be the savior of mankind. It wasn’t Lex thinking the Clark had obligations or that he had a duty. No. It was Lex saying (in support) that Clark had a responsibility BECAUSE he “took on the mantle of Superman”. Clark chose to become Superman, accepting the strings it came along with, and in the end, it lead him directly down a path where he chose to let Lex die.
In essence, it was a responsibility that Clark chose. And with any choice, he could have un-chosen it. (Or at least made a different choice.) He put on the mantle of Superman, and he could have taken it off. He could have done this any time, but especially before the moment he chose that airplane over Lex. Clark recognizes in that instance (whether he realizes it or not) that his only responsibility to humanity came from wearing the cape, that he could have chosen not to wear it, and that in the end, he placed that responsibility above the one to Lex. And after it was all over with, he realized too late that his true responsibility was to Lex and not the cape.
The themes about choice and responsibility in this story is just amazing.
7) “The bridge is the starting point, where two paths collided and merged into one.” = Just loved this line. Very poetic, and the imagery is fantastic.
8) “Roaring like a wounded animal, I release the anguish. Allow myself to finally feel the loss. Lex is dead. He isn’t ever coming back. I am alone.” = I liked these last lines because it shows the moment when Clark really lets himself feel (or recognize) that his action can’t be undone. He has to live with the consequences, whether he likes it or not, and that he is alone. For eternity. I just pictured Clark feeling swallowed up whole by that feeling, of being overwhelmed by the very idea of eternity, and that he has to live every day through forever knowing he let Lex die. That Lex could have lived forever (allowing that Lex found a way to do this) by his side, but he made a choice, and now he’s alone. He’s literally chosen his own fate.
9) Another detail: I liked how Clark shows hints of being suicidal. In some ways, he’s not only grieving over Lex’s death, but also over the life they won’t live anymore. He’s grieving the path he can’t take (death) and how he’s separated from Lex because of this. I also think it’s realistic, and that anyone else who was faced with an eternity of being alone would wish for death.
10) “I won’t stop until the pain does.” = Great how you end with a short sentence, just like you started the story. And I like the imagery of Clark flying around the world, determined to stay locked in this action until the pain does stop. In my mind, I see Clark never stopping because the pain won’t ever go away or lessen. (But then I’m a romantic. Clark getting over Lex’s death and moving on doesn’t jive with my inner romantic very well.) The imagery this last line (and the last two paragraph) evokes is very powerful and moving.
Another idea I couldn’t get out of my head was this idea of regret and forever. Of choice and responsibility. Of all the times Clark spent patrolling and rescuing people in his persona of Superman. Of all the times he left Lex. Of all the times he missed charity events, dinners, evenings out, etc. He may have had Lex as his partner for over 120 years, but so much of that time was spent as Superman. And I wondered in the end if Clark felt he betrayed Lex with his decision to “wear the cape”. Or if he felt that he wasted precious time. He could have chosen to play superhero after Lex’s death. Or at least after they found a way to make Lex immortal. He had eternity to indulge his hero kink, but he did it when Lex was a part of his life. Not that I think Clark was feeling this way, but it made me wonder if he did think of this. If he would in the future.
Whew! I hope you’re still with me, Rai. I love to edit, and when I take the time, I’ll tear a story apart and break it down like this. I used to spend hours at fanfiction.net doing this for some of the fandoms I was into whenever a story caught my eye.
As you can tell, I really did like your story. There were a lot of elements in it that you should be proud of, and like I said, it was extremely well written. (The poorly written stories just make me wince…I don’t begrudge burgeoning author’s, but bad grammar and dialogue makes me cringe every time.)
In fact, I liked it so much that I played with the story in my mind for days. I’m what I call a “happily-ever-after whore”. I’m big on the happy, and I hate misery and pain, especially for my two boys. I often read stories, and if I don’t like the endings, I rewrite them in my head. (Heh. Used to do this even as a child with movies, tv shows, and books. I’m BIG on the happy.)
I think this makes a terrific stand alone fic. It’s a fantastic death fic. But…
If you wanted to write a sequel, maybe give Clark some happy fuzzies, I think it would be so damn cool to write at time travel fic. Ala Star Trek IV (and several instances in the original series), I’d love to see Clark moving so fast that he ends up traveling back in time. (Kirk and his crew used the sun to whip themselves around fast enough to do this so they could save the world! Yay Jim, Spock, and McCoy! I’m a nut when it comes to the original crew!) I see Clark going faster and faster, flying for days or even years, and finally starting to realize that reality is “melting” around him. Or “blurring”. Maybe he sees flashes of instances from his life or from events on Earth. (I think Star Trek IV did this---this was the movie with the whales.)
At some point, (hopefully soon), he would realize what’s happening, and he’d recognize an event just before the accident. A few days? A week? You could even make it sort of dark. A slightly unhinged Clark (an edge of crazy with his grief) stalking Lex for a week(s) before the accident. Letting his “past self” save the plane while he saves Lex. And maybe he’ll even decide that his “other self” doesn’t deserve Lex. That “he” didn’t chose Lex, and he decides that he’ll stay with Lex instead. I definitely picture Clark giving his past self a HUGE dressing down about the choice “he” made. About the reality he just came from where he “buried” Lex and is alone because of making the wrong decision. About where his first priority should have been. And instead, he’s left with no home, no Lex, and their life (the castle) in ruins.
*shrug* Even if you didn’t want to write a sequel---like I said, this is a terrific stand alone---I still got my happy ending sort of plotted out in my mind. I’m not sure what happens to future-Clark. If he disappears. If he’s created a parallel universe. (If this is the case, I just can’t send him back to his “home” universe where he’s alone. But the idea of Lex with two Clarks…well, I can’t decide if that’s kinky or disturbing.)
Actually, if it’s all right with you, I think I might play with this idea. If I do play with this idea (I might not…I have so many CLex plots and outlines written down), I’d of course give you credit and list your story as the inspiration for the idea. It wouldn’t be a continuation of your story, but more of a “How Clark deals with Lex’s death” sort of story. I don’t want to step on your toes, because I know I’m very territorial over some of my universes that I create. Not so much the ideas, because I think it’s a compliment when someone plays with ideas that they liked from my writing or storytelling, but actually messing with my characters or plot…well, that’s another thing, and some stories are more personal to me so I know I wouldn’t like this.
Would that offend you? If so, don’t be afraid of saying so. You won’t hurt my feelings. And honestly, I really do have a whole notebook full of ideas and plots of potential CLex stories, so it’s not like I’d be lacking for story ideas if you’d rather I not touch on the above ideas.
Anyway, terrific story. For what it’s worth, I thought it was great!
*Artemis
iconcandy posted by ic0nwh0re. It just...spoke to me on some level and I couldn't pass it up. It in no way states that I'm thinking about suicide or using a gun or anything. Okay? Okay. Now on to the other stuff. *grins*If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Home-cooked meals. Things that give me comfort when my mom cooks them. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, Shepard's Pie, chicken pot pie, tuna casserole. That kind of thing.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Books, incense and candles, feel good music and coffee,tea and oven warmed pastries.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Gay romance with a bit of horror/fantasy thrown in. Which is in fact something I'm currently working on. *winks*
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
English. *nods* Writing, reading. Things I loved to learn in school.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Beautiful vocals with indian/arabian music. The kind you just can't help swishing your hips to.
Okay, I just got this amazing, amazing review from Artemis Raine. I'm posting it here, not to toot my own horn, but to toot her's. Cuz that? *points down* Took a lot of time and thought. It's twice as long as the story, for crying out loud! *hugs Artemis* Thanks, honey!
Dear Rai,
Just finished re-reading “Immortal Flight”. This really is an incredible story. Well-written, with the attention to detail that I love. It is also very moving, a piece that really touches on Clark’s emotional pain so well. It makes the reader feel right along side him.
The first thing I noticed was how you wrote in the present tense. Kudos for you! This is harder than most people think. I wrote a story in the present tense once for another fandom, and it was a lot of work (at least for me). I must have re-read that story twenty times to check and recheck my verb tenses.
The second thing I noticed was your attention to detail. It was absolutely fantastic. The scotch on the desk. The framed photos and wedding invitations. The glass desk, and how Lex keeps replacing it with the same model. It was fabulous, and just lovely to see these bits and pieces of CLex surrounding Clark (even if he did destroy it all). You also carried this attention to detail in things like Chloe’s death, the childless union of Pete and Lana, the vision of Cassandra’s explained through LuthorCorp’s project, Lillian’s lead box, Lex’s ashes and Clark rubbing them on himself, the rings around his neck along with the necklace Lex gave him for graduation, the bodyguards when they went ring shopping, the mattress still in orbit, Lex playing with Clark’s hair, etc. All of this added up to a wonderful picture of what their life was like before Lex died.
Speaking of which, I think you captured Clark’s sorrow, grief, guilt, and rage (though it was well-hidden and just below the surface) over Lex’s death just perfectly. It was at times overwhelming and at other times subtle, a wave of grief we felt right alongside Clark. Everything felt completely natural to me, and Clark’s emotions (and subsequent actions) rang true. I ached when Clark destroyed the office and hurt when I found out he destroyed the entire castle, but I understood it. It felt right in the circumstance and mindset that you placed Clark in that he reacted this way. Just like it felt so right when he went to the bridge, and finally went on his “last flight” in a well of grief.
There were a few lines or details that really got me.
1) “I’m a hero. Superman. The savior of millions. And the betrayer of one.” = This was a fantastic opening lines for the story. Right away you set the tone of Clark’s bitterness and self-rage and even self-hatred. I personally heard Clark saying these lines, and I could hear the bitterness and the self-mockery in Clark’s tone. Everyone (on Earth) thinks of Superman in terms of being a hero, but in the end, Clark doesn’t see himself as one. He sees himself as the man who let his husband die. Who CHOOSE to save strangers while he heard Lex dying. I thought the opening lines not only set the tone of the story, but it summed up the entire theme or overall message of the story. Not bad for four short sentences!
2) “And I refuse to live forever in sorrow.” = I loved this sentence, especially as you use it to close the paragraph where Clark acknowledges that he’s immortal and that nothing on earth can kill him. For me, when I read it, I saw it as a dual message. Clark honestly believes that he’s making this choice, that he’ll chose not to live the rest of his life in grief. Yet, I also felt that he was saying one thing but meaning another. That in reality, that he was going to live forever in sorrow. That it was just another commonality of the Clark we saw in Smallville who often lied to himself (like how it wasn’t a big thing that he lied to his friends…I still remember how he tried to justify it to Pete and treated Pete like Pete was in the wrong for being angry), and now Clark’s lying to himself again. It just filled me with so much sadness to read this line, which foreshadows the rest of Clark’s existence. Alone and in sorrow.
3) This isn’t a line, but I LOVED the detail about Clark wearing their wedding rings on the necklace Lex gave him for his high school graduation. Of how the weight of it against his chest was a comfort. Definitely hard hitting, and I could so easily see this in both Lex and Clark.
4) “It was almost poetic. The first words I uttered to him were a lie. As were the last.” = These lines were poetic! Fantastic how Clark recognizes this about himself, and in the end, he feels like he betrayed Lex all over again with his lies, even as he recognizes the reasons why he lied. I don’t blame Clark for trying to comfort Lex with such a lie, but I can see Clark feeling such guilt for Lex using his last moments, not only in life but also with Clark, to try to ease Clark’s pain and guilt. I can see Clark angsting over his last words to Lex being a lie, especially when he’ll forever regret the fact that he choose the lives of strangers over Lex. His one companion in life. His true love. And as Clark recognized in the story, those strangers probably wouldn’t care all that much about the sacrifice he made to save them.
5) “To listen as I raged against the unfairness of human nature, which to this day, still strives to destroy.” = I really like this line because it shows a maturity to Clark that you often don’t see in the Superman world. He isn’t some dumb boyscout in blue saving people blindly. He recognizes that people aren’t nice, and that humanity is violent and destructive. He just chooses to save people anyway, knowing this. It was a great line, and I just liked how it added a layer to his character.
6) “I promised him that I wouldn’t blame myself. I lied. My responsibility should have been to him, not to strangers who would never know the kind of sacrifice I was making for them. Who will probably never care. Lex should have come first, no matter what. I should never have listened to him tell me time and again how my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” = Okay, that was an entire paragraph, but I loved EVERY line of it. I love how Clark simply says, “I lied.” I love how he uses the word “responsibility” in regards to Lex and those strangers on that plane. That it wasn’t just a matter of love or loyalty, but of RESPONSIBILITY. Because in the end, he choose the strangers because of a feeling of responsibility due to his powers, or his name (Superman), or those antiquated ideas from Jonathan about duty coming from his powers. For whatever reason, he chose that feeling of responsibility over love and loyalty, and in the end, feels he betrayed the one he was truly responsible for. To paraphrase the words of Lanning Cook’s “Sacred Trust” story (incredible Highlander slash fic), his first trust was to Lex. It was this trust that he forgot. And in forgetting, he betrayed that trust, and he betrayed Lex as a consequence. As a consequence, Lex died.
Ouch. Like I said, this paragraph really hit me, and it really encapsulated the mire of guilt, anger, and bitterness that Clark has put himself in. It also didn’t hurt that even though I understood his reasons for the choice he made (as I’m sure Lex did), I didn’t agree with it. I would have chosen differently. And that made me wonder if Lex lied, too. That even though he wouldn’t have been angry at Clark, even though he would have understood Clark’s decision, that doesn’t mean that Lex didn’t recognize that he was dying because Clark chose humanity (once again) over himself. That Clark abandoned him one last time to save humanity. I can’t see Lex being angry about that, or even bitter, but I see him hurting. I see him in pain that even in the very end, he was NEVER Clark’s number one priority. He wasn’t the first on the list. And I suspect, Clark was always Lex’s number one priority. I agreed with Clark’s statement that Lex should have come first, no matter what, and I can’t help but think that some of Lex’s last thoughts were about how he never came first to Clark and believing that there was something lacking in him that Clark didn’t love him as much as he loved Clark. *sigh* Sad.
I also LOVED that last sentence. “I should never have listened to him tell me time and again how my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” I didn’t get a sense that Clark blamed Lex in anyway for the decision Clark made, yet I did sense a faint accusatory note that Lex helped to make him believe he had an overlying responsibility to humanity, either through encouraging Clark or supporting Clark so blindly in his need to help people. I don’t think Clark was angry at Lex, that in fact, he was angry at himself for listening. For believing in the words that he most likely wanted or needed to hear in the past from Lex. And if there was any blame or anger, it was directed at himself.
Also, the BEST part of the sentence was in the latter half. “…my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman.” I read this sentence over at least six times to make sure I got the flavor of it right. I really do love it. It wasn’t that Lex felt Clark had a responsibility to humanity or Earth because of Clark’s abilities. It wasn’t that Lex felt Clark had a responsibility to humanity or Earth because of search for redemption (red K stuff). It wasn’t Lex thinking Clark had this great destiny to be the savior of mankind. It wasn’t Lex thinking the Clark had obligations or that he had a duty. No. It was Lex saying (in support) that Clark had a responsibility BECAUSE he “took on the mantle of Superman”. Clark chose to become Superman, accepting the strings it came along with, and in the end, it lead him directly down a path where he chose to let Lex die.
In essence, it was a responsibility that Clark chose. And with any choice, he could have un-chosen it. (Or at least made a different choice.) He put on the mantle of Superman, and he could have taken it off. He could have done this any time, but especially before the moment he chose that airplane over Lex. Clark recognizes in that instance (whether he realizes it or not) that his only responsibility to humanity came from wearing the cape, that he could have chosen not to wear it, and that in the end, he placed that responsibility above the one to Lex. And after it was all over with, he realized too late that his true responsibility was to Lex and not the cape.
The themes about choice and responsibility in this story is just amazing.
7) “The bridge is the starting point, where two paths collided and merged into one.” = Just loved this line. Very poetic, and the imagery is fantastic.
8) “Roaring like a wounded animal, I release the anguish. Allow myself to finally feel the loss. Lex is dead. He isn’t ever coming back. I am alone.” = I liked these last lines because it shows the moment when Clark really lets himself feel (or recognize) that his action can’t be undone. He has to live with the consequences, whether he likes it or not, and that he is alone. For eternity. I just pictured Clark feeling swallowed up whole by that feeling, of being overwhelmed by the very idea of eternity, and that he has to live every day through forever knowing he let Lex die. That Lex could have lived forever (allowing that Lex found a way to do this) by his side, but he made a choice, and now he’s alone. He’s literally chosen his own fate.
9) Another detail: I liked how Clark shows hints of being suicidal. In some ways, he’s not only grieving over Lex’s death, but also over the life they won’t live anymore. He’s grieving the path he can’t take (death) and how he’s separated from Lex because of this. I also think it’s realistic, and that anyone else who was faced with an eternity of being alone would wish for death.
10) “I won’t stop until the pain does.” = Great how you end with a short sentence, just like you started the story. And I like the imagery of Clark flying around the world, determined to stay locked in this action until the pain does stop. In my mind, I see Clark never stopping because the pain won’t ever go away or lessen. (But then I’m a romantic. Clark getting over Lex’s death and moving on doesn’t jive with my inner romantic very well.) The imagery this last line (and the last two paragraph) evokes is very powerful and moving.
Another idea I couldn’t get out of my head was this idea of regret and forever. Of choice and responsibility. Of all the times Clark spent patrolling and rescuing people in his persona of Superman. Of all the times he left Lex. Of all the times he missed charity events, dinners, evenings out, etc. He may have had Lex as his partner for over 120 years, but so much of that time was spent as Superman. And I wondered in the end if Clark felt he betrayed Lex with his decision to “wear the cape”. Or if he felt that he wasted precious time. He could have chosen to play superhero after Lex’s death. Or at least after they found a way to make Lex immortal. He had eternity to indulge his hero kink, but he did it when Lex was a part of his life. Not that I think Clark was feeling this way, but it made me wonder if he did think of this. If he would in the future.
Whew! I hope you’re still with me, Rai. I love to edit, and when I take the time, I’ll tear a story apart and break it down like this. I used to spend hours at fanfiction.net doing this for some of the fandoms I was into whenever a story caught my eye.
As you can tell, I really did like your story. There were a lot of elements in it that you should be proud of, and like I said, it was extremely well written. (The poorly written stories just make me wince…I don’t begrudge burgeoning author’s, but bad grammar and dialogue makes me cringe every time.)
In fact, I liked it so much that I played with the story in my mind for days. I’m what I call a “happily-ever-after whore”. I’m big on the happy, and I hate misery and pain, especially for my two boys. I often read stories, and if I don’t like the endings, I rewrite them in my head. (Heh. Used to do this even as a child with movies, tv shows, and books. I’m BIG on the happy.)
I think this makes a terrific stand alone fic. It’s a fantastic death fic. But…
If you wanted to write a sequel, maybe give Clark some happy fuzzies, I think it would be so damn cool to write at time travel fic. Ala Star Trek IV (and several instances in the original series), I’d love to see Clark moving so fast that he ends up traveling back in time. (Kirk and his crew used the sun to whip themselves around fast enough to do this so they could save the world! Yay Jim, Spock, and McCoy! I’m a nut when it comes to the original crew!) I see Clark going faster and faster, flying for days or even years, and finally starting to realize that reality is “melting” around him. Or “blurring”. Maybe he sees flashes of instances from his life or from events on Earth. (I think Star Trek IV did this---this was the movie with the whales.)
At some point, (hopefully soon), he would realize what’s happening, and he’d recognize an event just before the accident. A few days? A week? You could even make it sort of dark. A slightly unhinged Clark (an edge of crazy with his grief) stalking Lex for a week(s) before the accident. Letting his “past self” save the plane while he saves Lex. And maybe he’ll even decide that his “other self” doesn’t deserve Lex. That “he” didn’t chose Lex, and he decides that he’ll stay with Lex instead. I definitely picture Clark giving his past self a HUGE dressing down about the choice “he” made. About the reality he just came from where he “buried” Lex and is alone because of making the wrong decision. About where his first priority should have been. And instead, he’s left with no home, no Lex, and their life (the castle) in ruins.
*shrug* Even if you didn’t want to write a sequel---like I said, this is a terrific stand alone---I still got my happy ending sort of plotted out in my mind. I’m not sure what happens to future-Clark. If he disappears. If he’s created a parallel universe. (If this is the case, I just can’t send him back to his “home” universe where he’s alone. But the idea of Lex with two Clarks…well, I can’t decide if that’s kinky or disturbing.)
Actually, if it’s all right with you, I think I might play with this idea. If I do play with this idea (I might not…I have so many CLex plots and outlines written down), I’d of course give you credit and list your story as the inspiration for the idea. It wouldn’t be a continuation of your story, but more of a “How Clark deals with Lex’s death” sort of story. I don’t want to step on your toes, because I know I’m very territorial over some of my universes that I create. Not so much the ideas, because I think it’s a compliment when someone plays with ideas that they liked from my writing or storytelling, but actually messing with my characters or plot…well, that’s another thing, and some stories are more personal to me so I know I wouldn’t like this.
Would that offend you? If so, don’t be afraid of saying so. You won’t hurt my feelings. And honestly, I really do have a whole notebook full of ideas and plots of potential CLex stories, so it’s not like I’d be lacking for story ideas if you’d rather I not touch on the above ideas.
Anyway, terrific story. For what it’s worth, I thought it was great!
*Artemis
