![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fandom: Angel
Title: Touched
Author: Raijahn
Pairing: Angel/Cordy
Rating: Pg-13
Category: Angst, Romance
Spoilers: Coda to ‘Birthday’
Warnings: None
Beta(s):![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sparklebutch
A/N: Written forblaar_rosir who asked for Angel pov angst post Cordy’s coma.
Summary: She almost died, but she’s fine. He’s not.
Touched
She’s fine. She nearly died, she kept it from all of them and she slipped into a coma and met a demon who changed her so she could handle the visions and she’s fine.
He’s not. Not in the least. He’s been worried about her for months, the post vision headaches progressively getting worse. But he trusted her to tell him the truth. He never thought she’d lie, keep something like this a secret. Doctors, pain pills, MRIs, Catscans... All gathered together in a box under her bed like a dirty secret.
She’s fine and he doesn’t understand why he isn’t. She’s here, she’s alive and she’s not dying anymore. She’s stronger and healthier than she’s been in over a year. She’s happy and laughing and flashing that wide grin that used to look so fake and now looks so genuine it makes him ache. She’s holding his son and making faces at him and she looks so *right* there. He wishes he could join in, but he can’t. He can’t stop seeing her, lying there on the floor so damn unresponsive, lying in the bed, as though she were only sleeping. Can’t stop seeing the films of her brain, the numerous medications, the evidence that she’d been seeing a doctor for her headaches for a *year* without any of them knowing. Why didn’t they know? Why didn’t *he*? Was he so desperate to believe that she was fine that he didn’t let himself see?
Possibly. Probably. He sighs deeply and slouches down further against the counter. Definitely. He blinded himself to the truth so he didn’t have to face the possibility of losing another woman he loved. Loves. Is in love *with*. Until it was shoved in his face that yes, she was dying, he was going to lose her and she would never know how he felt. How he truly felt. She still thinks he’s still in love with Buffy and although Buffy will always hold a special place in his heart, Cordy is who he wants now. Who he loves and desires and needs.
Narrowing his eyes, he thinks about that. Is that why he’s not getting past this? Because she still doesn’t know? Raising his gaze to her, he feels his stomach twist faintly when she meets his gaze, her cheeks flushed from laughter and her eyes sparkling with mirth. He wishes he could just stride over to her and sweep her into his arms and kiss her. Wishes he had the right to.
He straightens up from his slouch when she starts towards him and tries to school his expression before she really sees it. She’s been on him lately about brooding and not sharing his thoughts and the last thing he needs right now is a lecture.
“What are you thinking?” She cocks her head to the side in that way she does when she’s trying hard to get a read on him. He blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.
“I love you.”
He can’t believe he said it, but she just laughs and says it back. Like it’s nothing. He relaxes when he realizes she thinks he just means as friends. But then he thinks, I don’t want her to continue to think I only love her as a friend, as family. He draws her closer, stroking a hand gently over Connor’s head, then looks back at her. “No, I mean I *love* you. I’m *in* love with you,” he says it so softly, he’s surprised she hears him, but she does. He can tell by the slight widening of her eyes, the way her lips part on a soft gasp. He feels his cheeks heat and looks back at his son, watching him fall into sleep.
Her hand on his cheek draws his attention back to her and he sucks in a sharp breath at the fierce love and desire he sees in her gaze. Unmasked, open and just there for everyone to see. “I love you, too,” she says again, brushing her thumb over his lower lip. Curving a hand over hers, he turns and presses a kiss to her palm, silently rejoicing in the knowledge that she means it the same way he does.
“What brought that on?” she whispers quietly, stepping closer to him, until they’re wrapped around each other, Connor safe between them.
Reaching up, he brushes her hair back from her face, fingers stroking over her soft skin. “You almost died.” He frowns faintly, eyes going distant at the memories. “And it doesn’t seem to bother you.” He focuses on her face again. “It bothers me. It bothers me a lot.”
She shrugs a shoulder and gives him a soft smile. “But I didn’t die, Angel. I’m here and I’m fine. If I spent as much time as you do concentrating on the past and the ‘what if’s, I’d go crazy. I can’t do that. I need to stay here in the present, looking to the future.”
“You can’t keep stuff like that secret anymore.” He sounds demanding, almost petulant, but he can’t seem to help it.
“I promise, no more secrets.” She smiles again and he smiles back, cupping her cheek in his hand, tilting her head up and leaning down to kiss her gently. She tastes sweet, familiar, like home. He doesn’t ever want to stop, doesn’t ever want this to end. Just him and Cordy and Connor. His family.
She almost died but she’s fine. And now he is, too.
Title: Touched
Author: Raijahn
Pairing: Angel/Cordy
Rating: Pg-13
Category: Angst, Romance
Spoilers: Coda to ‘Birthday’
Warnings: None
Beta(s):
sparklebutchA/N: Written for
blaar_rosir who asked for Angel pov angst post Cordy’s coma.Summary: She almost died, but she’s fine. He’s not.
Touched
She’s fine. She nearly died, she kept it from all of them and she slipped into a coma and met a demon who changed her so she could handle the visions and she’s fine.
He’s not. Not in the least. He’s been worried about her for months, the post vision headaches progressively getting worse. But he trusted her to tell him the truth. He never thought she’d lie, keep something like this a secret. Doctors, pain pills, MRIs, Catscans... All gathered together in a box under her bed like a dirty secret.
She’s fine and he doesn’t understand why he isn’t. She’s here, she’s alive and she’s not dying anymore. She’s stronger and healthier than she’s been in over a year. She’s happy and laughing and flashing that wide grin that used to look so fake and now looks so genuine it makes him ache. She’s holding his son and making faces at him and she looks so *right* there. He wishes he could join in, but he can’t. He can’t stop seeing her, lying there on the floor so damn unresponsive, lying in the bed, as though she were only sleeping. Can’t stop seeing the films of her brain, the numerous medications, the evidence that she’d been seeing a doctor for her headaches for a *year* without any of them knowing. Why didn’t they know? Why didn’t *he*? Was he so desperate to believe that she was fine that he didn’t let himself see?
Possibly. Probably. He sighs deeply and slouches down further against the counter. Definitely. He blinded himself to the truth so he didn’t have to face the possibility of losing another woman he loved. Loves. Is in love *with*. Until it was shoved in his face that yes, she was dying, he was going to lose her and she would never know how he felt. How he truly felt. She still thinks he’s still in love with Buffy and although Buffy will always hold a special place in his heart, Cordy is who he wants now. Who he loves and desires and needs.
Narrowing his eyes, he thinks about that. Is that why he’s not getting past this? Because she still doesn’t know? Raising his gaze to her, he feels his stomach twist faintly when she meets his gaze, her cheeks flushed from laughter and her eyes sparkling with mirth. He wishes he could just stride over to her and sweep her into his arms and kiss her. Wishes he had the right to.
He straightens up from his slouch when she starts towards him and tries to school his expression before she really sees it. She’s been on him lately about brooding and not sharing his thoughts and the last thing he needs right now is a lecture.
“What are you thinking?” She cocks her head to the side in that way she does when she’s trying hard to get a read on him. He blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.
“I love you.”
He can’t believe he said it, but she just laughs and says it back. Like it’s nothing. He relaxes when he realizes she thinks he just means as friends. But then he thinks, I don’t want her to continue to think I only love her as a friend, as family. He draws her closer, stroking a hand gently over Connor’s head, then looks back at her. “No, I mean I *love* you. I’m *in* love with you,” he says it so softly, he’s surprised she hears him, but she does. He can tell by the slight widening of her eyes, the way her lips part on a soft gasp. He feels his cheeks heat and looks back at his son, watching him fall into sleep.
Her hand on his cheek draws his attention back to her and he sucks in a sharp breath at the fierce love and desire he sees in her gaze. Unmasked, open and just there for everyone to see. “I love you, too,” she says again, brushing her thumb over his lower lip. Curving a hand over hers, he turns and presses a kiss to her palm, silently rejoicing in the knowledge that she means it the same way he does.
“What brought that on?” she whispers quietly, stepping closer to him, until they’re wrapped around each other, Connor safe between them.
Reaching up, he brushes her hair back from her face, fingers stroking over her soft skin. “You almost died.” He frowns faintly, eyes going distant at the memories. “And it doesn’t seem to bother you.” He focuses on her face again. “It bothers me. It bothers me a lot.”
She shrugs a shoulder and gives him a soft smile. “But I didn’t die, Angel. I’m here and I’m fine. If I spent as much time as you do concentrating on the past and the ‘what if’s, I’d go crazy. I can’t do that. I need to stay here in the present, looking to the future.”
“You can’t keep stuff like that secret anymore.” He sounds demanding, almost petulant, but he can’t seem to help it.
“I promise, no more secrets.” She smiles again and he smiles back, cupping her cheek in his hand, tilting her head up and leaning down to kiss her gently. She tastes sweet, familiar, like home. He doesn’t ever want to stop, doesn’t ever want this to end. Just him and Cordy and Connor. His family.
She almost died but she’s fine. And now he is, too.
Tags: